Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
