Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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