I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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