i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
sarcasm needs its own font
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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