im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
