I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm jealous of your bromance
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it's like heaven, but drunker
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i out mim tonsoeep
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
