Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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