I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize