I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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