how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
