Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
