ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize