throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
