Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
