yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
