i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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