There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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