i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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