im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
