I wish I could teleport
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
