I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize