So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
