Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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