You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
