When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
