i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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