so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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