I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
