do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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