If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
