I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
