Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
