i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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