my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
