I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
