This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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