Did you just see the Batmobile???
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
