If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
