your room smells of hookers.
And success
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
