1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
