So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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