Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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