So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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