Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
