My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
