Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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