I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
