I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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