woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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