So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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