I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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