I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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