brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Randomize
