they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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