I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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