I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
