Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
