Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
