Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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