oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she smelled like a LAN party
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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