Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
