it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize