I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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