Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
