Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
