Yo dont text me then not text me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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