I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
