you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
