Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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