after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
