You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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