is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
