We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
