Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
