is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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