All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
