All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We had to coat check the pizza.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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