Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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