Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
