She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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