Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
