Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
