she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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