Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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