I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
